ZIPPER

Actor Patrick Wilson could pass for disgraced ex New York Governor Eliot Spitzer if the lighting was just right, but this rather clumsy drama that is either based or inspired by Spitzer's downfall, just couldn't ever be mistaken for the real thing.  Wilson plays Sam Ellis who is a Federal prosecutor who is on the fast rack in national politics.  He has all the right attributes : successful high-profile career, charm, handsome as hell with a clean-cut family man image. Most important though he has Jeanne his well-connected wife who is fiercely ambitious for them both and she is a ruthless operator who will stop at nothing to get what she wants. In this instance its to get her husband chosen for the Senate seat that is about to become vacant and as she constantly reminds him, she gave up her own career/life to further his, so he owes her big time.

Their marriage however is not just loveless but its also devoid of any sexual activity which Ellis doesn't seem to mind as long as he got some porn to get off too. However when in the course of an investigation into a high-class escort agency he starts to realise what he is missing and so the moment Jeanne announces she is going away for the weekend, he makes the call for a 'date'.

When he arrives for his session, Ellis goes through this whole routine of trying not to go through with it, but the girl talks him into staying and he does saying telling himself that its just a one off time.  Trouble is that he is hooked and although he has to go through a whole elaborate routine to avoid being caught or traced, he discovers he is very soon addicted to the sex. 

On one occasion about to have his latest assignation (he makes a point of never seeing the same girl) he spots undercover FBI Agents in the Hotel lobby and he abrupt leaves in a panic suspecting that a 'sting' is about to go down.  However when the Agents call at his Office the next day to confirm that they are indeed in the middle of an investigation as they have traced huge amounts of money leaving there to pay the Escorts, it is in fact Ellis's boss they suspect.

It's obvious though that the trap is tightening and he will get found out as even the journalist that Jeanne has persuaded to write a big profile piece on Ellis will soon uncover the truth about the his secret life too.

One of the problems is that even if we accept the old cliche that many men let their brains and hearts be led by their penises, it still does not explain all the irrational and ill-conceived decisions that the normally circumspect and restrained Ellis took. However a more alarming aspect of this somewhat cliche-ridden plot were the chunks of stilted and utterly ridiculous dialogue that actually had the audience at Sundance inappropriate laughing out loud. 

Not quite the reaction of Jeanne when she eventually finds out what had really been going on and she lays into her husband and his car with a baseball bat before then fixing things with everybody so that even if they will never live happily after, she will at least still get to be a Senator's wife.

By far the best thing about this very predictable drama that may touch on the veins of 'House of Cards' but is instead a mish-mash of a sex & politics thriller, is Patrick Wilson. He shines even with this poor material and is the only reason that one would want to sit through this movie. Oh yes and Lena Headey as Jeanne who shows she can bitch like the best of them. 

★★★★

NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN

Jonah is a scruffy twenty-something who lives in a large ramshackled house in Sydney's inner city that he inherited from his parents and now shares with his two best friends Gus and Stevie with whom he makes a passable living throwing weekly wild house parties.  Money may be tight, but there is plenty of drugs, sex and rock' n roll.

One night his latest sex partner casually tells him that he has a lump in his 'privates' which the Doctor diagnoses the next day as testicular cancer.  The good news is that he can be cured, but the bad news is that the treatment will make him impotent.  And Jonah, a slacker cum hedonist extraordinaire, suddenly develops a desire to father a child whilst he still can. The trouble is that he only has a two week window before his operation, and his sperm is unsuitable for freezing, and more importantly he doesn't have a steady girlfriend.

The bulk of the tale is Jonah's hapless quest for a potential mother.  He goes through ex-girlfriends, casual pick-ups, lesbians, single older women etc anyone he can try and persuade. Stevie, ardently anti-children herself, facilitates his search until one day when it suddenly seems like Jonah may have struck lucky, she realises that she wants the job after for herself after all.

This likable Australian romantic comedy works mainly because of the charming performances of the two leads.  Jonah is played by Ryan Kwanten, better known as shirtless Jason Stackhouse in 'True Blood' ... he keeps his shirt on in this except when he is trying to procreate, and he has traded in his normal debonair matinee idol look for something far more cuddly.  Sarah Snook is a sheer delight as the cool sardonic Stevie that I am so convinced that she is destined for bigger and better things.

Just don't go expecting any deep observation on the plight of young men with testicular cancer, its not that kind of film. It is however a sweet funny crowd-pleaser movie with a predictable happy ending. 

Not suitable for children, and also certainly not for people on a first date! 

★★★★★★★

I'M SO EXCITED

From Pedro Almodovar, the undisputed king of high camp and high drama, comes this rather silly spoof of an airplane disaster movie : although in truth the only catastrophes that will befall any of the passengers are the results of the chaotic lives that they have temporary fled from on the ground.  The action is set mostly onboard Peninsula Airlines Flight 2549 bound for Mexico but because two ground crew (very brief cameos from Penelope Cruz & Antonio Banderas) were distracted, the plane's landing gear is now inoperable and so the Airbus is just going around in circles over central Spain until Air Traffic Control can find them a safe empty place to do an emergency landing.

All the passengers in the Economy section have passed out after the attendants had slipped muscle relaxants in their drinks, so all the activity takes place in the Business Class compartment where a small group of disparate very wound up passengers start to somewhat reluctantly share their stories once they learn that this Flight was in trouble. They include a dodgy Banker who is escaping the immiment collapse of his Bank, an aging famous actor fleeing a string of clingy girlfriends, a demented physic woman who can 'smell death' and is desperate to lose her virginity, a mysterious 'security adviser'/hit man, a sex-crazed groom & his new hungover bride on honeymoon, and then there is Norma.  In her day she had been a famous escort and extremely successful dominatrix, but now claiming to have incriminating files on all of her very important clients, she is just an impossible diva.

It's left to the three gloriously outrageous Flight Attendants to somehow keep the whole thing together, and they do so mainly through sheer panic.  Chief Steward Joserra can't stop himself blurting out the truth to everyone in the same manner that he can't keep his hands (and mouth) off the 'married with two kids' Captain. The fiercely hetrosexual handsome Co-Pilot is way too curious about his colleagues bi-sexuality that he does the inevitable too.  That's when they are not all in the cockpit together knocking back the tequila .

Not only may they crash, but even worse the entertainment system is not working on the plane.  Quel horror. It's a wonderful excuse for the three Attendants to do 'one of their routines ' lip syncing to the Pointers Sister's 'Im Not Excited' and they are totally fabulous.  It is unquestionably THE highlight of this delightfully frothy movie.

This will certainly not rank as one of Almodovar's best movies, but he is at least back doing what he really does excel at i.e. having a great deal of crazy fun.  So many of the cast are regular Almodovar alumini  such as Cecilia Roth, Antonio de la Torre, Blanca Suárez, Paz Vega etc. who not only turn in electric performances but equally important, seemed to be really enjoying themselves enormously too.  The real star turn is another of Snr Almodovar's favorite actors,  Javier Cámara who as the imcompetant Joserra with a heart of gold, hams it all up so hilarously.

There seems to be lots of nods to many classic movie comedies in what is essentially an old-fashioned style screwball comedy.  Except in this one there is a LOT of sex.  And a great deal of drinking.  And never one to pass up on a chance to comment on the political catrospheres of his country, the empty Airport that Penisula 2549 finally lands in is Cuidad Real International a very real deserted white elephant that the Govrenent built for a whopping 1.1 billion euros and was closed in April after only three years of service.

It's a delightfully absurb romp that I thoroughly enjoyed, and if nothing else is a damn good reason to always fly business class.

★★★★★★★★

RENT BOYS

For well over the past four decades Berlin's Zoo Railway Station has been the main stomping ground for the city's rent boys.  Using archive footage from 1965 this fascinating documentary from gay activist filmaker Rosa Van Praunheim paints the scene there as it has evolved until the present day.  It is a desperately sad tale of the squalid and dangerous lives these boys lead in an occupation that at best leaves them scarred for life, and at worse cost them their lives.

In the early days in particular most of the boys that hustled sex for money were victims of sexual abuse themselves and were plying for trade in their very early teens, and some even younger.  Their tales were particularly harrowing especially when they were continued to be exploited by paedophiles,  and were completely unaware of all the inherent dangers of life on the street.  

Nowadays very few of the boys are German and are heterosexual immigrants from neighbouring ex Eastern bloc countries who, discovering that they can make more money from one encounter with a 'john' than they could laboring for a month back home, are prepared to become 'gay for pay' for the financial rewards.  They take the same risks, plus the possibility of being deported too.

Van Praunheim profiled a few of the boys who had been working Zoo Station and the environs for some years now, and despite all the risks, still appeared reluctant to give it up.  He went to the hustler bars and talked to the barkeepers who related about the abuse, the violence, the crime and the drug-taking in a resigned almost complacent manner.  He also followed the workers of SUB/WAY a support group who try their best to help the boys particularly to prevent the spread of AIDS & HIV, and dedicated and hardworking as they are, seemed to be making little headway in getting them off the streets.

The boys stories are heart-rending and their isn't one that has a happy ending. As they eventually drop out/leave their places are taken by fresher naive young boys and the supply chain never seems to be broken.  As Van Praunheim's film shows, the price the pay for their  seedy unhappy lives is far too high.  

Fascinating, but extremely disturbing to watch.

★★★★★★★★

DON JON

Joseph Gordon-Levitt has had a very busy year. He starred in four major motion pictures, and somehow has also found time to write and star in his directorial debut which has just premiered at Sundance.  And boy, has he come a very long way since he left off being young Tommy in '3rd Rock From The Sun' just a little over 10 years ago. In Don Jon, Mr.G-L has written himself a plum part in this charming comedy that will never go down in the annals of history as a great movie, but it is blissfully funny and wonderfully entertaining. It is a real cloud-pleaser.

Jon is a handsome Italian-Catholic New Jersey barman.  In a frenetic fast-paced opening we quickly learn the only things that matter to him are  his body, his pad, his car, his family, his boys, and his girls.  Each weekend he loves hanging out with his buddies, and then takes centre stage of the dance floor looking for the prefect high scoring girl that he can 'dime' i.e. dance up to her, make out with her, escort her to a cab, and home.  Next day he will of course ask for forgiveness when he takes Confession at Sunday Morning Mass with his family, which will clean his slate with God until next week.

But that isn't quite all to this 'Don Juan' Jon's life, as no matter how hot his conquests are, he still much prefers getting off by watching porn.  Lots of it.  Often 10-20 times a day, and sometimes when that night's Date is still there in his bed. And each week God 'forgives' that sin too.

Then one fateful Saturday night he spots the perfect '10' girl.  Barbara is stunning and she knows it, and when Jon makes his move, she rebuffs him at first, and even when she eventually relents, its all on her terms.  She will not put out for weeks, making Jon totally desperate in many ways.   The sex is hot, but still not enough for Jon, and when Barbara catches him in flagrante delicto  in front of his computer one night, all hell lets lose.  Not the 'god-forgiving' kind either.  He bluffs his way out of it this time, so Barbara starts to focus on making an honest man out of him.

One of the demands she makes of him is that he takes night school classes so he can 'better himself', and its whilst he's there he meets a pot-smoking somewhat neurotic middle-aged woman recovering from a personal loss and he reluctant befriends her.  It leads to quickies in the car followed by intelligent conversation, the latter being a change and a challenge to Don Jon.  It also helps him to finally realize that Barbara's really not in to him per se, but looking for someone that she can train into an obedient spouse.

Where the movie 'Shame' treated sex addiction as erotic, here Jon's compulsion with watching porn is considered harmless fun .... in fact they milk the humor out of the situation at every given opportunity.  The very graphic sex shown from a slew of different porn movies Jon is watching is tempered by his hilarious narration so that it doesn't feel sleazy at all.   It's the whole concept that he's questioning the concept of complying to the norm and  being totally fulfilled by a one-on-one relationship that may make people feel uncomfortable, but in this context I found it both understandable and hilarious.

Both the stories and the characters worked so well because of some great casting choices. Mr G-L as Don is the ultimate charmer of a man determined to remain single at all costs, who has an uneasy peace with his strident parents, and is quick to ditch his buddies when a girl comes along, but in the end, has enough testosterone to actually change.  His chauvinistic father who he modelled himself on, is played by a very buff Tony Danza who I totally failed to recognise. Esther his older amour is beautifully played by Julianne Moore in a way that you know Don has hit the jackpot the moment meets her.

The real joy .... as far as acting goes .... was Scarlett Johansson as Barbara.  I will fess up that until now i have always been underwhelmed by her acting to date, but here as the New Jersey girl who is having fun keeping Jon on a leash, she was adorable.  She nails the part perfectly without falling into the trap of aping a caricuture Extra from 'The Sopranos' or 'Jersey Shores', and she is a joy to behold as she steals each of her scenes.

There is a LOT of sex in this , albeit short clips of porn films, that may put some people off .... and evoke the Rating Board to give it an R.  Shame if they do, as it is a very contemporary film about a subject that is often taken far too serious and to which a lot of people can relate too one way or another.... as Jon says in the movie  .... 'any man who says he doesn't watch porn is a liar'.  And more important, it's pretty damn funny.

★★★★★★★★

KINK

KINK.com is the largest producer of online BDSM porn movies in the USA and was started by Peter Ackworth, a fellow Brit, from his Dorm Room at school in 1997. Based in an enormous defunct Armory Building in San Francisco with many of the original facilities untouched as they make prefect sets for a lot of the perverse activity that now fills the building.  

Kink produce movies for the 30 odd different sites they now operate and they cover the whole Bondage  and Sado Masochism spectrum from slave training, rope bondage, femdom, gay public Sex, bondage gangbang, female domination, submissive women, lesbian bondage,  shemales, naked wrestling, pissing,  and sex machines etc etc.  And in this no holds barred documentary you get to witness several of the extreme films being made .... I hope the participants were acting in part at least because what they allowed their bodies to be subjected too looked awfully painful from where I was sitting.

Filmmaker Christina Voros set out to go behind the mystique of the industry and as she is being shown around the building there is a hilarious scene where she cannot make herself heard above the din coming from the other end of the floor ... Peter Ackworth explains there is an orgy underway .... not something you hear every day. She interviews several of the directors who, with the odd exception, are very matter of fact about their work and how they want to simply be the best in their genre.  Occasional one will try to intellectualise what they are about, but when they tried to align this to an art form, they get twisted up in more knots than the models on set.

There is also something rather wholesome about the big family atmosphere that permeates throughout the whole company  .... and is rather fascinating to watch the directors and management have their monthly meeting to discuss their success. Why they ask have the ratings for 'Divine Bitches' soared whilst 'Electo Sluts' is on the decline?  Why indeed, but evidently there are fashions and trends that must be watched even in the sex industry.

The fly on the wall approached worked well and Ms Voros allowed us to witness it all without narration and more importantly, without judgement. Was it shocking? In parts, yes but not the graphic sex but more the aggressive bondage parts in particular.  Did I learn anything?  Well, yes .... thanks to a Dominatrix I know how to stand on an erect penis in stiletto heels without causing any pain. Was it entertaining?  To an extent, but it is essentially one big Advertorial for the Kink sites, which lessens its impact and certainly its importance as a general essay on the S + M industry. Would I recommend it?  Certainly if you want to be reminded how boring your own sex life really is.  The trouble is, I cannot see it coming to a big ..... or a small .... screen you in the near future.

One of my favorite anecdotes was when one of the models had just finished a very intensive hardcore slave/submission movie and dressed in his white terry robe he walked into the main office and was politely asked how his scene had gone.  He replied very matter-of-fact 'I got fucked good'.  And there you have it.

P.S. The movie was produced by James Franco ... now I'm wondering which of the Kink sites is his favorite.

★★★★★★★

(A)SEXUAL

I guess the byline of this movie could be 'Everything You Need To Know About Not Having Sex' , but unlike Woody Allen's movie that I paraphrased this from, this documentary is no laughing matter.  It focuses on David Jay a very earnest handsome young man in his 20's  who after he 'came out' to his parents established a whole network of support and information about other people like him.

An 'asexual' is a person who is not sexually attracted to either the opposite sex or their same gender.  Most of the people who express themselves as such have no desire to go along with society's expectations of them and have any sexual intercourse at all.  This informative wee film dealt with and dismissed all the usual assumptions that are bandied around about this group of people i.e. were abused as children,  they are impotent, inexperienced, scared, just out of a bad relationship or just physically incapable.  As Mr Jay asserted asexuality is not a choice one makes as it is in one's make up just like being gay is.

I have to say that I did set aside my normal cynicism about all things that I find hard to get to grips with as I was actually very interested to see if this really is a valid 'condition'.  Jay's group AVEN (Asexual Visibility Education Network) met up in his home town San Francisco specifically to give the group some visibility, and they chose to participate in the Gay Pride March.  At this point I was very much in tune with the observations of Dan Savage the renowned sharp-tongue and witty Sex Therapist. 'Welcome to Alphabet City : its now Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transsexual, Transgendered, Genderqueer, Questioning Women, etc etc and now they want to add Asexual!' But as Savage added, there is something rather incongruous that a March to celebrate all the freedom that gay people have fought hard just to be able to have the sex they want, should now be joined by a group that want the right not to have any sex at all.

My bigger objection however throughout the entire film was the constant comparison of asexuality with homosexuality as I can see no link at all whatsoever beyond the fact that they are both considered deviant from what  society considers as its  norm.

I also had as much trouble understanding the whole notion of romance without sexual contact as young Mr Jay did explaining it. He has devised a strategy for evaluating and building relationships known as 'the three Ts': time (the amount of time you dedicate to a person), touch (physical or verbal expressions of feelings) and talk (clearly communicating expectations for the relationship). Was I slowly getting convinced that maybe he is onto something here?  An asexual can date, fall in love and even marry (as they did during this film), they simply do not want to have sex with their partner.

Then at the end of the film they go back to interview David two years later.  AVEN is still growing strong, but David has had a major re-think.  It's not that he wants to have sex BUT now aged 29 he has come to the conclusion that the fulfilling relationship that he so craves with one person can only be complete and reach intimacy if he has sex.  Reluctantly?

Including this last interview and seeing this very earnest young man struggle with reality of his beliefs didn't make he doubt his sincerity, but it certainly left me more than confused than him.  Now I am not eure what I think.  I know that the fine line between being celibate and being asexual is too blurred for me, and the film brought up a theory that there is a link between people with Aspergers Syndrom and asexual, but that surely cannot apply to everyone in this group?

If this is a subject that interests you, or you are just damn nosey about sexual matters like me, then you can find this intriguing wee film online as it is available streaming from several different sources.

P.S. And I will reveal  the answer David gives to one of the most frequently asked questions ....... yes, they do have 'sex with themselves' but its evidently not any fun for them 'just a matter of clearing out the pipes'. 

Available from Amazon 

★★★★★★★

BETTIE PAGE REVEALS ALL

Bettie Page was a stunningly beautiful American model who in the 1950's became known as the Queen of Pinups.  She was hardly a shy blushing maiden and her lack of inhibition posing for 'camera clubs' had made her an instant hit.   She was Miss January 1955 as one of the earliest Playmates for Hugh Hefner's Playboy Magazine, but it was her work posing for Irving Klaw for mail-order photographs with pin-up, bondage and sadomasochistic themes which made her the first famous bondage model.

In 1954 Bettie came to Miami for the first time and one of the photographers that she got to work with was Bunny Yeager and a session they did together in a local Wildlife Park produced what became known as The Jungle Bette Photos ... one of which with her clad in a tiny leopard skin landed her the gig in Mr Hefner's mag. 

And then right at the peak of her fame in 1958 whilst in Key West Bettie found God and a new husband.  The latter lasted a mere five years, whereas her 'relationship' with the church completely took over her life.  She went from Bible College to Bible College and even tried to become a Missionary in Africa, and seemingly never looked back once on her glamour girl life.

Another couple of husbands later she sadly had a nervous breakdown and in 1979 was in a state mental hospital for the first of two very long stays. Bette disappeared out of the public eye for decades and when she was finally located she was reluctant to re-live her past. In a rare interview with Playboy in 1998 she commented about her pin-up work 'it's just that it was much better than pounding a typewriter eight hours a day, which gets monotonous.'

She did thankfully agree to tape a whole series of interviews with Academy Award nominated filmmaker Michael Mori who used them as narration for this latest film on Ms Page.  It focuses mainly on her Pin Up career and the legacy of the immeasurable influence it is still having even today on fashion, pop culture, dance, movies and everything remote fetish-like.  It is completely amazing that there are a whole army of entertainers and artists who owe their careers to re-creating their own Bette Page look.

The movie mentions, with very little comment, the latter part of Bette's life (she died in 2008) but then as this was 'the authorized biography' it is more than a tad polite and circumspect, and at times a little too fawning in parts.

For an edgier less sanitized view on this glamour icon, check out the fictionalized account 'The Notorious Bette Paige' in 2005 starring a rather stunning Gretchen Moll.

★★★★★★