THE FLAT

After Arnon Goldfinger's 98 year old grandmother Gerda had died, he and his family descended on the Apartment in Tel Aviv where she had lived for over 70 years.  Grandmother was a compulsive hoarder so Arnon and his siblings and Hannah their mother had their work cut.  When Gerda and Karl her husband had re-located to Israel before WW2 from Germany she bought the entire contents of her apartment with her and then kept adding to it for the rest of her life.

They found countless dozens of white kid gloves, hundreds of handbags and some 20 pieces of luggage squirrelled away. But it was amongst the endless boxes of papers that they found a rather shocking surprise.  It was copies of a notorious fascist  newspaper from the 1930's that had a series of articles 'A Nazi Travels to Germany' . Arnon was desperate to discover why rabid Nazi propaganda should be found in his Grandmother's apartment BUT little did he know then that his research would open a whole can of worms. 

Essentially the articles were about the travels of a high ranking Nazi Officer  Baron Von Milderstein and his traveling companions who were Arnon's grandparents.  And if that fact wasn't bad enough, to his utter disbelief he uncovered evidence that Gerda &   Kurt had remained closed friends to this aristocratic Nazi and his wife for many years after the War ceased, and would visit them often in Germany.

Why a Jewish couple would maintain a close relationship with a man who the Nazi criminal Eichmann named in his 1961 trial as one of the instigators of the plan to rid Germany of Jews. was a mystery to Arnon and his mother. And even as they uncovered more relevant facts and evidence they could never really come up with a satisfactory explanation to it all.

Arnon's research led him to meeting the surviving daughter of the Von Mildensteins who had settled in England after the war but was now back in suburban Germany. Edda had also hoarded masses of family paper but had never really even attempted to sort through this historical treasure trove for what appeared to be a fear of what she may uncover. Arnon made that slightly unnecessary by going to the Official Records recently recovered from the old East Germany which showed that the Baron was still a Propaganda Minister in the SS throughout the War. Sharing this information with her was not an easy decision.

This is a powerful film that does not really explain what went on with this two close knit families before and after the war, or indeed how complicit Von Milderstein was with the Nazi genocide.  What was abundantly clear however was how very vital the need for denial is when children do not want to re-visit or even know about their parent's past.  Arnon never quite recovers from the fact that his own mother had never ever asked a single probing question from her parents, and it is patently clear that Edda refuses to even consider anything other than the sanitised facts of her father's past that she insistently clings too. This intriguing documentary also suggests that in these unconscionable times of such vile atrocities the parents deliberately don't want to burden or scar their own children  with the reality of their pasts.

It's hard not to take different viewpoint when the mystery is unravelling in front of your own eyes because despite the fact that Arnon Goldfinger's film is a deliberate non-sensationalised and well-considered presentation of his story, its actually extremely easy to get irrationally angry when he encounters yet even more denial.   In the cold light of day however I can recognize and acknowledge what an extraordinary piece of journalism that it is, and how I'm also convinced it will help others who may have own skeletons from this part of history in their own family closets.

Unmissable.

Available via Amazon

★★★★★★★ ★★ 

LIFE OF PI

Academy Winner Director Ang Lee is a masterful storyteller from 'The Ice Storm' to 'Brokeback Mountain' he never fails to totally engage our imagination with the magnificent and moving films he make. This time out he has taken the award-winning global best-selling novel by Yann Martel and turned into a phenomenal visual delight.

The story begins in 1977 in Pondichery a small town in India settled by French Colonists  where Pi's family run a small zoo.  The young boy had been named Piscine after a famous French Swimming Pool but all his schoolmates mercilessly teased him by calling him 'pee' so he adopts Pi as his name after demonstrating to his class the mathematical constant of the same name.  It later seems the perfect name for a boy who refuses to accept no limitations.  As a highly inquisitive 14 year old he investigates different religions with such zeal that this young Hindu boy decides to be a Muslim and a Christian too.

The zoo went broke after the political situation in the country deteriorated and his father decides that they and the animals should set sail for a new life in Canada.  The ship they travel on sinks but Pi manages to escape in a lifeboat with just an zebra for company. They pick up a floating orangutan next day as well as a hyena, but they don't make naturally good companions and the hyena makes bloody work of the other two animals as Pi manages to struggle for safety.  That is far from the worse of his problems as all this time an adult Bengal tiger has been lurking under the covers of the boat and he soon appears to  stake his claim as the master of that small craft.

For the next 227 days the teenage boy and the tiger named Richard Parker (after the Hunter who captured him) are reluctant travelling companions. Pi strings together a makeshift raft that he attaches to the lifeboat as safe haven for himself whilst the hungry and petrified tiger prowls the boat.  With the aid of the lifeboat's rations and supplies an ingenious Pi learns to survive most of the elements but it his calm lateral thinking that helps him most as he thinks through a risky plan to 'tame' Richard Parker so that they can both survive together.

The most significant part is that there is no attempt by Lee to sentimentalize the tiger at all, and the  relationship between it and the boy never ever ceases to be anything other than an unnatural fragile peace that may break at any time.   Even though we may know the truth is that Richard Parker is the creation of some amazing backroom CGI whizz kids, trust me he, and the danger he posed, looked scarily real every single second.  Lee and his cinematographer Claudio Miranda in fact deserve very high praise indeed for ensuring that the technological wizardry they used to tell their tale  really enlivened and truly enhanced it without just being the whole focus of the movie as it probably would have done in a less safe pair of hands.  And for once, 3D seemed a perfect fit for the telling of this magical tale rather than just another add-on marketing tool.

Lee has framed the story of the journey at the beginning and at the end with Pi, now a grown man and settled in Canada, relating it all to an inquisitive English writer. He warns that this is a story which he guarantees will help him find God. When he finishes the narrative, Pi then relates another very short but totally different version of him being castaway that he had offered the sceptical Inspectors investigating the Shipwreck.  In the end they chose the first version because as Pi said, that is how it goes with God.

Aside from the part that Pi's faith was major factor in his survival which doesn't sit completely easy with me on a personal level, it is undoubtedly a fantastical achievement that one wishes was really true.  The young unknown actor who played Pi was wonderfully convincing (just like Richard Parker) but credit where it is due, and it is to the genius of Mr Lee who made this miraculous fantasy the most perfect delight and such a sheer joy to be drawn into.

★★★★★★★★★

CHEERFUL WEATHER FOR THE WEDDING

But not such good spirits for the family or the guests in this vacuous trite period British costume drama that never rose above being anything other than grossly irritating and very tiresome indeed.

The year is 1923 and its a glorious early Fall day at the Thatcham's Family's large Country House.  It's just a few hours before Dolly, the oldest daughter of the house, gets married. She is a rather spoilt  brat who has been over-indulged by her fusspot mother whose machinations resulted in Dolly being betrothed to future Diplomat (and titled) Owen.  Trouble is Dolly still has the pangs for Joseph who she had a dalliance in the Conservatory when the summer was hot and steamy. Now that Joseph has turned up for the wedding she's turned to knocking back countless glasses of rum whilst she is getting her wedding dress on.  But will being drunk help her decide between becoming a Diplomats wife in Argentina with a steady chap, or having (more) fun with randy Joseph?  And do we really care?

The family consists of a randy vicar, a old blind cook who can see into the future, a small child making explosing confetti 'bombs', a bitter younger sister, two irritating juvenile brothers, a rich old aunt who is having it off with her young chauffeur, an old deaf uncle that everyone has to shout at.  I think with the exception of the exploding child, everybody has just two things on their minds viz sex and alcohol.  And occasionally the wedding.

Lightweight script that even old pros like Julian Wadham and Barbara Flynn couldnt eke much out of it, and one of the main problems that the lead actors encountered was their youth  .... Luke Treadaway playing Joseph is now 28 years old, but trust me he didnt look a day over 14.  And secondly the only chemistry at all in the movie was not between the lovers but in the boy's wee bombs.

The matriarch was played by American Elizabeth McGovern who seems to be the actor to go to for Period Costume Dramas Mothers these days, but unlike 'Downtown Abbey' (her day job) she was hampered by the script which tortured both the poor woman  and us.

Redeeming features?  Well, in one final scene  Joseph realizes he has a set of genitals after all and lectures Mrs Thatcham quite superbly. Apart from that there is the weather : it really was the only thing that was remotely cheerful.

Available from   Amazon
★★★★

THE DAY HE ARRIVES

Seong-jun may have arrived, but he actually has nowhere to go. This film-director is back in Seoul after he suddenly retreated to live in a remote country town the moment the last of his four movies were finished.  He's here for a few days to hang out with his friend Young-ho a film critic but while he waits for him he walks aimlessly in the narrow city streets and has a series of un-related encounters.  One is with an actress who he once worked with and whom he now avoids, and another with three film students with whom he gets very drunk and pally with before suddenly unexpectedly flipping out and running off into the night screaming.

His day ends at the home of his former lover Kyung-jin who reluctantly lets him in, and they take turns crying and declaring their love for each other, but next morning as he leaves Seong-jun makes her agree that they cannot see each other ever again.

Later that day he finally meets up with his friend and they are joined by an actor who was Seong-jun's first leading man who still bears a grudge that he was dumped from the next movie.  That seems to disappear in another round of interminable drinking which is continued in another bar.  There Seong-jun falls for the female owner, and once the others get drunk and leave, they hook up for the night.

And then we have a Korean Groundhog Day situation. He wanders around town aimlessly, bumps into the actress again, spots the film-students then ends up at the same bar with his same friends and although initially he ignores the owner he later sneaks back and they spend the night together. Next morning they say their goodbyes as Seong-jun makes her agree that they can never meet ever again.

And that's that.  Sort of.  I will confess that the movie both confused me but also had me so entranced that I so wanted to see how it would play out.  And even when it ended suddenly almost in mid-sentence I was still not disappointed.  And I'm not sure why. Very appropriately it was shot in black and white which seemed to add to the starkness of the reality of the whole unspoken sub-plot.  And as I relive the experience now in writing this I remember aspects that I certainly couldn't explain at all, like the fact that the ex-lover and the bar owner are played by the same actress!  This is definitely one movie that I want to  watch again to see if I can either fathom out what it all really meant, and why I liked it so much

Written and directed by prolific filmmaker Sang-soo Hong whose work has picked up five Nominations at Cannes Film Festival over the years, even winning once.  His next movie 'In Another Country' starring Isabelle Hupert is already in some art-houses now, and will definitely be added to my watchlist now.

Available from Amazon


★★★★★★★★

SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK

The wonderful thing about David O. Russell's new movie is you are never quite sure what you are being served up. It's the story of bipolar 30 something-year-old Patrick released prematurely from Mental Hospital by his doting mother and who now spends every moment of the day and night obsessing about getting his wife Nikki back, even though she has a restraining order against him. There is Pat Snr his stay-at-home sports fanatic father who has been banned from the Baseball Stadium after getting violent, and also along the way Patrick meets Tiffany a young widow who has her own demons and agenda. Should we laugh or should we cry or just look very concerned and/or worried?  All that above and more as this refreshing and totally enchanting movie combines drama, comedy, (farce even), romance, plus its own very askew take on mental illness too

The movie starts at a very fast pace trying to keep up with an over-excited Patrick who's determined to get his life back on track now he's been released after being forcibly detained for beating his wife's lover up. He's consumed with passion for her, and everything about her, despite the warnings of his parents and his Therapist.  At a dinner, his best friend sets him up with Tiffany, and they seem like a perfect match.  Both speak exactly as they find without a filter and often what they say is wildly inappropriate.  Both are also very angry at being trapped in situations that are not of their own choice.  At the end of the evening Tiffany offers sex but Patrick refuses as he still considers himself a faithful married man.

Dolores his mother has to juggle the strong wills of both her son and her husband who are trying to find a way to communicate with each other.  She is resilient, unfailingly optimistic and the real warmth  of the family. Pat Snr with his fiery temper is an obsessive compulsive who bets heavily on baseball games on the TV as long as all his lucky 'charms' are in place, and insists that Patrick hang around as he is one of them.

Patrick is desperate to get word to his wife about how he is a changed man and so Tiffany does a trade-off with him.  She offers to secretly convey a letter to Nikki in return for him helping fulfill her only one real dream i.e. to enter a local dance competition.

The question is can Tiffany deliver the letter, and can Patrick remain committed enough to the dancing that he dislikes, and will Pat Snr's irresponsible gambling make them all suffer, and can Dolores keep her family in one piece without losing her sanity or patience?

I will confess whilst there are (just a few) elements of the plot that didn't sit quite right with me, but each and every character was totally compelling as were the actors that gave them such life. Bradley Cooper  was totally unforgettable as the manic but lovable Patrick and as I have never seen him in any role other than where he only had to look pretty and/or funny, I have never really appreciated what a fine actor he is too.  He was helped by the fact that Tiffany was played by a rather alluring Jennifer Lawrence who looked like a completely different person than when she picked up an Oscar nod for her turn in 'Winters Bone'. Ms Lawrence showed again what a remarkable  talent she is .... and the chemistry between her and Mr Cooper made the story so much more authentic.

Patrick's parents were played by the ever masterful acting genius Robert De Niro, but the real treat was  the remarkable Jackie Weaver the actress who out of the blue was nominated for an Oscar for 'Animal Kingdom'  a small Australian movie that very few of us saw.  She is a sensational actress and as Dolores was the perfect anxious mother who really believed 'it will all work it in the end' .... I so hope we see mere of her on our screens.

And lest I forget the hilarious Chris Tucker as Patrick's best friend Danny who constantly found ways to escape the Loony Bin before his time.

I'm not going to reveal any spoilers on how it does work out, but there is a wonderful scene at the beginning when Patrick believes the way back to Nikki's heart is by reading all the syllabus books of the English course she is now taking.  In a angry moment he hurtles one of them out of the window in the middle of the night and then wakes his poor parents up just to shout abut how pissed he was with Ernest Hemingway for writing 'A Farewell To Arms' 'because of its miserable finale that so sucked!'  He raves that the world is hard enough as it is, and we all deserve a better ending than that.  He's right of course we do, and luckily we get one in this rather wonderfully enchanting movie.

★★★★★★★★★

STEP UP TO THE PLATE

This latest documentary on another culinary genius goes beyond his kitchen and shows a  family dynasty beginning to come to terms with the patriarch as he tries to step down and out of the limelight. It is in fact the dynamics of the relationship between master chef Michel Bras and his son and heir Sebastian, an extremely accomplished chef in his own right, that sets this movie apart from the norm, and makes for a fascinating story.

Michel is, to all intents and purposes, a quiet and well-mannered man and although he seems devoid of all the usual kitchen histrionics that seem de-rigour in celebrity chefs this days (on TV anyway) he is still very much an exacting one, and pain-stakingly obsessive about every last detail.  Whether it be the stunning restaurant he had built on top of hill in the middle of some breath-taking French countryside, or a new recipe that his son has spent hours creating.  Even picking out the herbs and vegetables in the Market hours before sun-rise is a precise art for this man who will not be rushed.

As a child, Michel helped his mother in the kitchen of the small Hotel the family owned in the town.  After he came back from culinary school he came in to his own, winning his first Michelin star, before leading up to the three he has today.  For a small-town young man it was a remarkable achievement and somehow along the way the man who spent 24/7 in a kitchen actually got married.... and Mde Bras then became his Hostess ....and they had a child which he admits he spent very little time with.

The fact that this workaholic ended up with a son who not only admired him so, but who freely chose to follow in his footsteps, is quite remarkable.  But then the whole relationship the film showed was of two very undemonstrative men who clearly had total respect and such genuine affection/love for each other without seemingly ever having the need to verbalise about it.

The inspired touch to the telling of the story was the complete lack of any narration. Scenes were juxtaposed to each other and one either got the entire picture, or just left wondering how things came about. This lack of explanation throughout the movie was perfect and suited how these two men function .... and their families .... as they prefer to show their emotions clearly on their faces, and in their smiles in particular.

The Bras have recreated their restaurant in another spectacular remote setting in Japan, and even though I'm sure they have no financial worries, they were still remarkably unfazed about creating their impeccable food and standards in this totally foreign culture. They embraced the challenges of working with completely alien ingredients just like It was simply another day in the kitchen.

There are now 4 generations of Bras ..... Granny gave up working many years ago .... but Sebastian's young son Alum helped out in the Restaurant Kitchens during the school holidays, and without any pressure from either Dad or Grandad it looks like he knows what future is instore for him. If he has the extremely good-naturedness of Sebastian and the unwavering patience of Michel  .... and lest I forget  .... the culinary genius of them both .... then the Bras Restaurants will be in safe hand, and the 3 Stars will remain intact.

Mouth-wateringly wonderful even for non-foodies

Available at Amazon
★★★★★★★★

LINCOLN

Stephen Spielberg's epic take on Abraham Lincoln's fight to abolish slavery can be described simply as a cinematic masterpiece. Penned by Tony Kushner (from Doris Kearns Goodwin's best selling novel) with a magnificent intrepid cast, it is unquestionably one of THE best movies of the year.  The Academy Award for Best Actor is Daniel Day-Lewis's for the taking with his steely breath-taking portrayal of the President.  

Although even as a newly 'baptized' American I had been aware of Lincoln's magnificent achievement that he managed before his untimely assassination, I was totally unaware of the fascinating skull-duggery behind the scenes to ensure that this, the 13th Amendment to our Constitution, had enough votes  to be passed by the House pf Representatives.  Congressmen were badgered, threatened, bought off or justly bribed outright in this fiercely partisan House. It all seemed a little like deja vu from where I was sitting.

The movie opens with the bloody Civil War still raging on and Lincoln has just delivered his Gettysburg address and been soundly re-elected to serve his second Presidential term.  His Republican Party also did very well at the Polls and now in this final lame duck session before the Inaugeration, there are some defeated Democratic Congressmen eking out their last few weeks in power.  Lincoln seizes on them as having the potential to break his electoral gridlock if he can somehow 'persude' them to vote against their Party lines.

Whilst he must manipulate this discreetly via his heavy handed 'lobbyists behind his scenes, there is also great pressure of him to both negoiate peace with the Rebel Forces by one faction, whilst the opposition thinks the war should be fought to the bitter end.  And then at home in The White House the President must also deal with his highly-strung wife who is still grieving for the loss of one son, and is determined that another one will not be allowed to enlist in the Army.

Spielberg builds up the tension stealthily and slowly until the Vote itself is finally taken in the House and although we know the result, by this point it is nevertheless  somehow just as compellingly anxious as waiting to see the current President beat all the odds and win.

To me this is Hollywood film-making at its very finest. Spielberg is unsurpassable at these epic American dramas, and Irishman Mr Day Lewis has carved such a niche with his awe-inspiring Award-winning performances of these historical figures. I have read all those reports of his extreme 'method acting' when he lives the character off screen at all .... well if they are true, they have paid off big time. He is simply breath-taking to watch every single minute he is on view. It's not often that one has the luxury of watching a whole movie with a Miami audience in total silence (!) but this one, thanks to Mr Day Lewis,   awe-inspiringly numbed them for the entire 150 minutes.

Credit too for such an exalted supporting cast headed by a wonderfully funny Tommy Lee Jones as the irascible Thadeus Stevens a Republican Leader and committed abolitionist , Joseph Gordon Levatt as Lincoln's son Robert, David Strathairn as The Secretary of State. etc etc.  Sally Field did her sterling best as the unhinged Mary Lincoln but somehow seemed mis-matched with Mr Day Lewis.

It's a truly magnificent period in this country's history and this movie acknowledges that and treats it with all the respect that it so rightly deserves.  TOTALLY UNMISSABLE

P.S. On a point of order, can someone tell this uninformed ex Brit when did the Republicans become the 'baddies' and swap roles with the Democrats?

★★★★★★★★★★

LOLA VERSUS

After Lola has been dumped by her fiance just weeks before the wedding in this rather lightweight rom-com it's clear that the full title of the piece should have been 'Lola Versus The World'.  And guess what?  'The World' won in this somewhat annoying struggle that a very whinny Lola has when she tries to find true love and/or happiness when she is suddenly single again.  

Lola and her boyfriend Luke live an idyllic fashionable life in his Manhattan loft .... not that you could ever tell from Luke's permanent facial expression of disdain/horror.  On her 29th birthday he pops 'the' question, and with a big shiny ring on her finger she enlists her mom and also her acid-tongue best friend to spend the next few months in wedding planning mode at full volume.  Then without warning Luke calls it a day ....'I need space' ... so the bride-to-be takes to her bed and milks sympathy for as long as she can.

Now back in her own small apartment and having to find rent, she's waiting tables again by night to pay for her Doctoral studies.  Egged on by a really supportive mom, and her jaded opinionated best friend, she thinks about dating again.  She tries it with Henry who's also Luke's best friend, and with a rather odd stranger who randomly picks her up after discussing the pros of wild salmon at the deli.  Henry has feelings for her, whilst the 'fish man' just has a large appendage going for him. There is also the rare furtive quickie with Nick too, but he does have a new girlfriend now.  None of them are good ideas, but it gives Lola an excuse to whine some more.

It's a disappointing wee film that has all the right indie movie credentials but instead of being edgy and bright, it is as shallow and unrealistic as the lame big budget 'relationship' movies that Hollywood churns out. Directed by young Daryl Wein from a script he wrote with his life partner Zoe Lister-Jones who also gave herself some of the best lines in the piece as she played Alice the wacky best friend.

It does have two redeeming qualities. Firstly Lola is played by Greta Gerwig, who, as excellent as she is at being miserable and having bad sex, deserves a much better script/story. She is a wonderful actor to watch,  as is her mother played by the incredible Debra Winger in one of her all too rare cameo performances.  We should see more of Ms Winger ... and we should see Ms Gerwig starring in movies that she showcase her talent much better than this.

★★★★★

GREGORY CREWDSON : BRIEF ENCOUNTERS

Brooklyn native ex-punk rocker turned photographer Gregory Crewdson is something of an enigma.  Over a period of some six years he produced a whole body of work called 'Beneath The Roses' which were large scale photographs of meticulously designed scenarios that he had set up as full-blown movie sets. In this fascinating documentary by filmmaker Ben Shapiro ('Paul Goodman Changed My Life') we follow the progress of many of these pieces from conception to realisation, and its all rather intriguing to say the least.

Crewdson works are an extension of himself as a person i.e. completely surreal, and as his large team  go about their tasks he acts less like an artist, and more like a producer and ringmaster as he painstakingly micro-manages very detail of the set-up to the finished 'art'.  He is accompanied by a Production Designer and Director of Photography and a substantial-sized crew that probably exceeds the budget of most Indie Movies, and all for his one photograph. His nit-picking obsessiveness about everything can either be excused as his right as the 'artist' or, as I was beginning to suspect, dismissed as just another trait of the total self indulgence of this whole project.

He chooses a few of the small industrial towns in Massachusetts that are dying and in decay as his backdrops and 'live' sets.  He is there so often scouting for locations and befriending the locals that as bewildered as they are by the total disruption and his shenanigans, they all appear to welcome him  warmly.

Some of the work is profoundly beautiful but all of it is rather sad... Crewdson loves to shoot his photographs at dusk and the combination of these declining towns and rather forlorn models in the fading light... creates an eerie misery.  Some reminded me of Edward Hopper, but others were very definitely influenced by the work of movie maker David Lynch especially as Crewdson professed his love of 'Blue Velvet'.  Some pieces have far less impact than others and looking at these closely I realised that I was in fact much more interested in the man and the process rather than the actual finished product.

Sometimes Crewsdon had brand new sets built in Sound Stages and I couldn't escape the nagging question (which the film never even touched upon) that who was bank-rolling this very expensive and costly operation? New York's Gagossian Gallery would have to sell an awful lot of art, and at very high prices  for him to even break even. I learned later that he has a 'day job' as at Yale but I'm sure that they don't pay their Professors that much money.

Whatever you think of the art, its creation at least is a totally fascinating and unique story that has been very well told in this beguiling new film.

Available at Amazon

★★★★★★★★

PARK BENCHES aka BANCS PUBLICS

From its pedigree alone this movie should have been completely wonderful. Directed and penned by award-winning actor/director Bruno Podalydes and with a cast of that was like a veritable who's who of French Cinema it had all the hallmarks of a sure-fire hit instead of the reality of the total dud it actually turned out to be.

Almost impossible to describe, the movie is set like a three act play, and although there are some tenuous connections most of the action is a series of unrelated vignettes.  The only thing they have in common is that they are all tediously unfunny to the point of being more than somewhat annoying.

The first scene is in a high rise office where the workers can espy a large banner hanging down from the apartment building opposite.  It simply says 'lonely man', and all of staff each conjure up their own idea of what this message can mean.  Soon everyone is involved in the discussion so three of the woman are dispatched to discover if there is a lovesick man or even a dead body behind the locked door of the apartment.

Their deep concern soon evaporates when suddenly its lunchtime and some of them make their way to the nearby park and sit amongst a whole assortment of annoying real crazies who evidently inhabit their own little worlds which are not actually connected to the outside one at all.

The third scene is in a nearby Hardware Store owned by a certifiable man who relentlessly browbeats his petrified staff to pursue potenial customers more aggressively to save the struggling business and their jobs. One of the staff and a couple of the customers had been in the park scene, but most of the 'action' is with a completely new set of 'characters' who dart in and out of the story leaving us even more puzzled.  There is a rare highlight such as when Catherine Deneuve  brings in an antique cabinet to be repaired, as she of course can shine through any inane banter.

I have simply no-idea what essentially this movie actually about, and in fact why it was ever made, and what on earth convinced all these enormous stars  to play their silly cameo parts. ( Maybe the clue is in the name of the Production Company i.e. Why Not!) I'm even unsure of the  genre it was supposed to be. Neither comedy or romance or drama, I guess it was in fact an unintentional tragedy.

And the banner from the window?  It was a joke ..... of course! Really?

I sit through movies like this so you dont have too, but never again.

Available from Amazon

THE LOVE PATIENT

I have no idea why I chose to watch this intensely irritating comedy when I found the whole premise of the story so offensive.  Maybe just like the movie's protagonist I am pretty and shallow too and was simply wooed by the images of hunky half naked men on the DVD cover, either way it was a bad call that I very quickly regretted. 

Paul's been dumped and Brad his ex boyfriend has already moved on and has a hot new squeeze called Ted on his arm.  All three men work in the same advertising agency and so Paul gets to see at close quarters how happy Brad is now, and he wants some of that.  He decides one day that he still wants Brad and will do anything to win him back. And by anything he means by appealing to Brad's good nature and getting his unfettered sympathy by pretending he has cancer. Nasty plan, but he's really not a nice man at all.

To make this audacious fraud work he involves his best friend a Doctor and then without a second thought breaks the 'news' of his life-threatening condition to his workmates and his parents.  It does the trick and very quickly Brad is thinking that Paul has little time to live and believes that as he may be in fact the one true love of his life (as if) he should do anything to make him happy.

If the reality of his abhorrent plot is not bad enough, the very fact Paul remains a thoroughly smug and disagreeable man throughout means that he does not deserve any of our sympathy let alone a really nice young man like Brad.

I hated a very similar story line in 'The Lie' where   a man feigned sick to avoid work,  and I loathed this one even more.  True if you can overlook all of this  the movie does have a few good one liners, and the men are hot ..... but is that really enough?  Even for one who is shallow (but not really that pretty)?

★★★

AUGUST

L.A. is having one its hottest summers ever when Troy lands back in town.  He's being living in Spain for the past four years but now he thinks he wants to find a job and a new apartment and move back home.  It all depends on Jonathan his younger boyfriend who he dumped without warning when he took off for his European adventure.  When the two ex's meet up for coffee and immediately start flirting, it's obvious that they both still have the hots for each other.  One small obstacle .... actually a 6'ft tall one .... is that Jonathan has a rather stunning new Spanish hunk of a boyfriend named Raul who he practically lives with.

In this slow pot-boiler of a movie we discover that Troy has come back as he approaches his 40's and he is just worried that Jonathan was possibly THE love of his life and he may have missed out what should have been. Jonathan on the other hand is torn between letting Troy get too close and hurting him deeply yet again, and as much as he is in love/lust with him, he truly loves Raul.  He just has a funny way of showing it since Troy showed up again.  There is a great deal of uncertainty that must be worked out here for all three of them.

We soon get totally invested what the outcome of this love triangle will be, and although the end is intriguing, it is also a weak and disappointing finish to what is otherwise a wee gem of a gay romantic movie.  It's sexy, vibrant, (mostly) well written, and very realistic with very likable characters .... and it doesn't hurt at all that they also look as hot as hell too.

Like 'Gayby' this has been developed from what was originally a very successful short movie, and even kept the two excellent lead actors Murray Bartlett and Daniel Duggan who had such electric chemistry between them.  A remarkable feature film debut from writer/director Eldar Rapaport who amongst other things to his credit, very skilfully slotted some neat flashbacks seamlessly into this almost perfect movie.

P.S. Great middle-eastern soundtrack by Sudque that I totally loved. (You can download some of his music free on MySpace)

★★★★★★★★